My Life Coming Full Circle Part 1
As I sit here waiting for my bedtime...which would be, hmm. ...around 4 or 5 am, I cant help but think about my life in retrospect. The mountains and valleys I have tread in search of the one thing that makes us feel important: the longingness to belong, to love and be loved and therefore be accepted all coming together as a glorious painting. People that have experienced all these wonderful feelings their whole lives take it for granted, such like how US born Americans take for granted their freedoms, and therefore miss the ultimate journey of discovery and triumph once realizing how everything in one's life was really necessary to occur for a greater plan to manifest and unfold. A diamond cannot obtain its full luster and brilliance without having to undergo tremedous heat and pressure. The same goes for all in this earth. Man or beast, flora or fauna. This is just the simple principle of life.
How can a person know joy if he did not experience sadness? how can a person feel safe when he has never been insecure? how can a person tell he has found "it" when he has never lost anything? How can someone love unconditionally when they have never given love selfishly to experience its consequences? This goes back to ye ol' saying " it is better to have found love and lost than to have never have loved at all". This is what separates the Passionate from the Indifferent. The "mover and shaker " from the complacent. The Visionary from the Dreamer. Life is a risk. The less risk, the less reward. The more risk, the more you are closer to true security. And the more you 'live life to the fullest'.Pardox? You bet. A mystery that I hope I am closer to comprehending.
With these "revelations" being mustered, I am very thankful for every hiccup I have had in my life. Every stumbling block where there seemed to be no way or every mistake I made on my own that I eventually struggled to undo. Every fall was excercise for me to get up with more grace than the last. To learn to stand with more strength and determination than if I stayed down. To take the punches with dignity, and to rise above the challenge, opponent after opponent. What doesnt kill you makes you stronger and I am not dead.
Im 32 years old. For me, it is only my second year. I'm a toddler really.I am two years and 45 days old. You probably would share my sentiments when you realize that the more you know, the more you don't know. This is if we calculate it based on when my new prespective in life kicked in to gear. I became a new ME. There IS something about turning thirty. The coming of AGE so to speak. Its like you just suddenly KNOW yourself better than ever. (hmm...imagine what that would mean at 40? Endless possiblities!) No more peer pressures to fit in. No more trying to sacrifice you're own happiness to make others have their way. No more pretentions so people respect you. No more pleasing others to gain acceptance. This is who I am, this is what you get, take it or leave it! No more trampling all over me. I'm not taking crap from anyone. That's the new me after the big thirty.
The irony of it is, although thats how I feel about my inner being. On the outside, I have become so much more calm and tolerant. No more Great Wall of China protecting my insides. I am more gentle. more understaning.more patient. less restless, less judgemental, less contrascending---less tough. Intresting isn't it? I think, it's called MATURITY? I hope I've gained it somewhat. And though I have awakened you're curiosity as to the point Im driving at...It will have to wait because I am finally sleepy. I will continue with whatever it is Im attempting to say, tomorrow or whenever. I may not feeli like blogging tomorrow so you'll just have to be left hanging by a thread. Reading my blogs could get addicting, I warn you.
How can a person know joy if he did not experience sadness? how can a person feel safe when he has never been insecure? how can a person tell he has found "it" when he has never lost anything? How can someone love unconditionally when they have never given love selfishly to experience its consequences? This goes back to ye ol' saying " it is better to have found love and lost than to have never have loved at all". This is what separates the Passionate from the Indifferent. The "mover and shaker " from the complacent. The Visionary from the Dreamer. Life is a risk. The less risk, the less reward. The more risk, the more you are closer to true security. And the more you 'live life to the fullest'.Pardox? You bet. A mystery that I hope I am closer to comprehending.
With these "revelations" being mustered, I am very thankful for every hiccup I have had in my life. Every stumbling block where there seemed to be no way or every mistake I made on my own that I eventually struggled to undo. Every fall was excercise for me to get up with more grace than the last. To learn to stand with more strength and determination than if I stayed down. To take the punches with dignity, and to rise above the challenge, opponent after opponent. What doesnt kill you makes you stronger and I am not dead.
Im 32 years old. For me, it is only my second year. I'm a toddler really.I am two years and 45 days old. You probably would share my sentiments when you realize that the more you know, the more you don't know. This is if we calculate it based on when my new prespective in life kicked in to gear. I became a new ME. There IS something about turning thirty. The coming of AGE so to speak. Its like you just suddenly KNOW yourself better than ever. (hmm...imagine what that would mean at 40? Endless possiblities!) No more peer pressures to fit in. No more trying to sacrifice you're own happiness to make others have their way. No more pretentions so people respect you. No more pleasing others to gain acceptance. This is who I am, this is what you get, take it or leave it! No more trampling all over me. I'm not taking crap from anyone. That's the new me after the big thirty.
The irony of it is, although thats how I feel about my inner being. On the outside, I have become so much more calm and tolerant. No more Great Wall of China protecting my insides. I am more gentle. more understaning.more patient. less restless, less judgemental, less contrascending---less tough. Intresting isn't it? I think, it's called MATURITY? I hope I've gained it somewhat. And though I have awakened you're curiosity as to the point Im driving at...It will have to wait because I am finally sleepy. I will continue with whatever it is Im attempting to say, tomorrow or whenever. I may not feeli like blogging tomorrow so you'll just have to be left hanging by a thread. Reading my blogs could get addicting, I warn you.
posted by Lei Bautista | 4:49 AM
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